Dying To Live

I'm stuck between life and death

2005-11-13T14:16:00.000-08:00

Thinking back so many years ago when I started smoking I see what a fool to have started such a bad habit. I remember over the years how the smell of smoke was on my clothes in my house, even though It was clean it had a stale odder about it. The times I talk about where the days of everyone smoking. I'm not sure if we where all crazy about smoking or it was something we did just to keep up with the rest of the world.

When I see teens smoking it brings back sad memories. They have know Idea of the pain and suffering they will go through when they are diagnosis with lung cancer. I'm sitting here writing this story to you and my pain lever is so bad I hope the story turns out. please if you just listen to just one person let it be me, stop smoking before it's to late. Don't throw your whole life away just for a cigarette that will kill you. Every time you put one in your mouth you are on a count down to death.

My moments are moving fast now I will soon die. I'm scared and will miss the people I will leave behind. My sister have tried to come to terms about me dying, but I think they will always miss me as I will miss them, so I will take my memories to heaven with me and hope peace will come.

I'm stuck between life and death for now, but I once had a choice to live. If only I never inhaled that first puff of smoke. If I never tried to be grown up when I was still a teen I might have a choice to live now.

Can anyone hear me?

2005-11-09T15:15:00.000-08:00

The day I was told with lung cancer it seemed like a dream, but now a year has passed and I'm trying to face death head on. I cry most everyday and I stay close to my sisters. I know the ones we leave behind will suffer. My suffering will stop when I take my last breath. I wonder where we go when we die?

I wish ....oh how I wish I would have stopped smoking long ago. I always thought nothing will happen to me I'm young strong and good. But cancer has no friends it kills anyone who smokes. I tell most people who smoke to stop or suffer like I am. I have to get radiation again for the third time, my tumor grew back in my neck. The pain is something no one can understand unless they have cancer. Now I have fear everyday because it will go to my brain and I will die.

Can anyone hear me, don't smoke, you will die and never see the people you love again. The suffering cancer puts you though before you die is the worst pain anyone can experience. Everything you go thought you family will suffer also. No one can take away the pain but death. My doctor as good as she is can only give me time, I will never have life. I know Doctor Chen is very good at what she does but now it's up to God.

Stop smoking, save your money, save your life.

This is how it all started

2005-11-04T14:42:00.000-08:00

At fifty-eight years old I'm facing death with an over whelming fear. Thinking back, I started to smoke that night from pressure to be accepted by the in crowd at school. Now most of the crowd is dead and I soon will be joining them. Death will soon catch me and my family will suffer because I wouldn't stop smoking. For many years I was told to stop smoking and my thoughts on that were that I was too young to die.

I often think back to the day my friends showed me how to smoke; it was a hot summer night, my clothes where sticking to me, and the dance we were at was filled with every teen in town and most where smoking. I can even remember the song that was playing when I took my first smoke.

I heard someone yell to try a drag from his cigarette. I thought I would gag from the smoke, but they showed me how to inhale and I was hooked. From that day on, for many years, you never saw me without a cigarette hanging from my mouth. I was up to two packs a day after that. I know those people will not be there to hold my hand when I die but they were there to show me how to smoke. Most of the kids that shared that cigarette that night are dead, some died in their twenties, some later in life, but they all died of some sort of cancer.

Time clicks away and the sadness of dying is only known by the person who will not give up smoking. I pray for the people who have died before me and the people who will die after me. I wish I could be free from the fear of death, but the only way that would be possible is if I would have quite smoking years ago.